9-minute read

The door opens, and Imani walks into the office. As usual, she looks immaculate. Her tailored, navy-blue business suit, with sharp lines, highlights her confidence. Her hair is perfectly styled, her makeup flawless. With her rich, caramel complexion and striking features, she exudes success. To the outside world, she’s the epitome of poise— a senior executive at a major merchant bank, constantly praised for her work ethic and leadership.

But today, there’s a subtle tremor in her step. Her usual confidence is overshadowed by something else. She’s tightly clutching her bag, her jaw slightly clenched, and there’s a faraway look in her eyes. Something’s off, and it’s clear she’s carrying a heavy weight.

I smile warmly as she enters, trying to ease the tension I sense. “It’s good to see you, Imani. You look sharp as always. What’s going on today?”

Imani exhales slowly, but her hands tremble slightly as she sits down. She’s visibly unsettled. “I… I don’t know if I’m being dramatic, but I messed up last night. I really messed up.”

I wait for her to continue, sensing that something deeper is going on. Imani, who’s always composed, never shows this much vulnerability. “What happened?”

She looks down, avoiding my gaze. “I tried to cook Jaden’s favourite meal, oxtail with rice and peas. I’ve never made it before, and of course, I messed it up. I burned the damn thing. Then, at dinner, I made this joke, and no one laughed. It was awkward. And now I’m sitting here, thinking that Jaden’s going to think I’m a total failure. Like… how could he love me if I’m this… imperfect?” Her voice cracks as she says the last part, and I can hear the panic rising in her chest.

She’s still sitting upright, though, like she’s trying to hold it together despite feeling completely undone inside.

“Okay,” I begin gently, “I hear you. But what makes you think Jaden is going to reject you because of that?”

Imani hesitates, and when she speaks, I hear the fear in her voice. “I don’t know. I just can’t shake the feeling that if I’m not perfect, he won’t want me anymore. Jaden is… he’s like this unicorn. A high-value Black man in the UK, known for loving and caring for Black women and Black women alone. He’s the kind of man everyone talks about, the kind who doesn’t just settle for anyone. He’s so put-together, so successful. And I just feel like… I’m not enough for him. If I mess up, even in small ways, what if he just walks away? What if I’m too much of a disappointment?”

The words hang in the air, and I see the way her shoulders tense. There’s a deep vulnerability in her, and I know it’s more than just the dinner or the awkward moment. It’s her fear of not measuring up to the image of who she thinks Jaden needs her to be.

“I think I understand,” I say slowly, letting the words sink in. “You’ve built a life where you’ve had to wear a ‘mask of perfection.’ You’re in this high-powered job, always polished and in control. You’ve mastered the art of looking like you’ve got it all together. But now, when things don’t go according to plan, you feel exposed. You’re afraid that the mask will slip, and Jaden will see the real you—imperfect, vulnerable, human.”

Imani nods, the weight of what I’ve said settling in. “Exactly. I’ve worked so hard to build this image, not just for the world, but for Jaden. And now I’m scared that this one thing—the dinner, the mistake—might destroy everything.”

I lean forward, my voice soft but firm. “But here’s the thing, Imani: this need to be perfect, to never make a mistake, is rooted in fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of judgment. You’ve been so worried about keeping up this perfect façade that it’s caused you anxiety. But perfection is a mask that isolates us from real connection. Jaden isn’t looking for someone flawless; he’s looking for someone real. And I promise you, he’ll appreciate the real you far more than any perfectly curated image you try to present.”

Imani pauses, clearly processing what I’ve said, but there’s still worry in her eyes. “But what if he thinks I’m not good enough for him? What if he’s disappointed in me?”

I smile warmly, trying to reassure her. “Imani, think about your relationship. Jaden knows you. He knows you’re not perfect, and he loves you anyway. You don’t need to wear that mask for him. Perfectionism only creates pressure and distance—it doesn’t create intimacy or trust.”

She lowers her gaze to her hands, her breathing slowing a bit. “I guess I’ve been so focused on not disappointing him that I forgot it’s okay to show him my real self. I don’t have to have it all together all the time.”

“Exactly,” I reply, my voice soothing. “The more you embrace your imperfections, the more authentic you can be. And the more authentic you are, the more Jaden can truly see you—and love you—for who you really are, flaws and all. That’s where real connection happens.”

Imani smiles faintly, her shoulders relaxing. “I think I get it. Maybe I need to start being more honest with myself and with Jaden about the pressure I feel. I’ve been trying to be perfect, but I don’t need to do that.”

“That’s a great start,” I say. “Letting go of the mask doesn’t mean you’re not good enough—it means you’re ready to be fully seen, fully loved, and fully accepted. That’s where your true strength lies.”

She exhales, a bit of the weight lifting from her shoulders. “I feel a little lighter, but I know there’s still a lot of work to do.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” I reply, “but remember, this isn’t just about what you’re doing for Jaden. It’s about what you’re doing for yourself. You’ve been living behind a mask, but now we need to explore where that mask came from. What made you feel like you had to be perfect all the time, and for everyone?”

Imani looks down, deep in thought. The room falls silent as she considers the question.

“It’s not just about the burnt dinner or the awkward joke,” I continue. “Those are symptoms. The deeper question is—what do you believe would happen if you didn’t try to be perfect all the time? And where do you think this fear of imperfection began?”

I watch her carefully, noticing the way she begins fidgeting with her bracelet, a sign that she’s digging into something deeper.

“Maybe next time we can explore those roots. Is it fear of rejection? Fear of not being enough? Or is it something from your past that still haunts you, something you’ve carried for years? Because those are the questions that will truly set you free from the weight of perfection.”

Imani’s eyes flicker with curiosity, but there’s a trace of uncertainty. “I don’t know… I’ve never really thought about it like that.”

“Well,” I say gently, “that’s why we’re here. We can start untangling those threads, one by one. But for now, I want you to sit with this: What would life look like if you let go of the pressure to be perfect? And how would your relationship with Jaden change if you allowed yourself to simply be—without the mask?”

Imani nods slowly, her face a mixture of contemplation and vulnerability. She stands up to leave, but there’s a shift in her energy—a softness that wasn’t there when she walked in.

“I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts next time,” I say. “Take sometime this week to reflect on those questions. And remember, you don’t need to have it all figured out today. It’s all about progress, not perfection.”

Closing Thoughts:

As Imani leaves, I can’t help but wonder—where does the drive for perfection truly come from? What does it cost us to always put on that mask? And how much of that pressure is rooted in our past, our upbringing, or the stories we’ve been telling ourselves about what we should be?

For Imani, the journey is just beginning. But for you, as a reader, what’s your own relationship with perfectionism? Have you ever wondered what would happen if you allowed yourself to simply be human, flaws and all? And how might it change the way you show up in your relationships, with yourself and others?

Imani’s fear is rooted in her high standards and the perception of Jaden as a “unicorn”—a successful, high-value Black man who is known for treating Black women with respect and love. This makes her anxiety about being “perfect” even more intense because of the fear that if she doesn’t meet these high expectations, she could lose him. But what happens when we realise we don’t have to be flawless to be worthy of love? Can embracing imperfection actually deepen our relationships?

These are the questions we’ll continue to explore, because sometimes, the most important part of healing isn’t about fixing what’s broken—it’s about learning to embrace who we already are.

Stay tuned for Imani’s next session, where we’ll dive deeper into the roots of her perfectionism and begin uncovering the core fears that drive it.